Fading Memory
by redframe
Summary: Rin was like a fading memory, a thing of the past. Sometimes Kakashi had to wonder whether it ever really happened at all..


Don't own Naruto

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><p><em>Fading Memory<em>

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><p>Rin walked back from the market, settling into a quick pace as she made her way home.<p>

She wanted to get back before evening. Kakashi was returning from a rather lengthy mission and she planned on making a special dinner to welcome him back.

She smiled, knowing he always came to her house when he returned. After a mission he came to spend time with her. She would make them something to eat and they would talk. Rin would verbosely talk about her daily life, as well as work at the hospital or the occasional mission she was sent on. And Kakashi would sit across from her, silently listening and putting his input in on certain things. He never had much to talk about since joining the ANBU Black Ops. Most of the things he did were covert so he couldn't reveal much.

Feeling a chilly air wash over her, Rin looked up to find herself standing in the shadow of a large building. Her thoughts had distracted her and she hadn't realized she already arrived at her apartment. She came back to her senses and headed toward the apartment complex and ascended up the stairs. Rin lived in a nice, but modest, apartment: two bedrooms, a combined living and dining room, a kitchenette, and one bathroom. She looked around the pale green living room searching for a place to sit her bags.

Rin took her purchases out of their bags and brought them to the kitchen. Checking to make sure she had all the ingredients for her miso soup, she set to work cooking. Rin was sure Kakashi didn't eat nutritious meals while on missions, and wanted to personally make sure that, tonight, he did. She also wanted to have a good meal herself, it would likely be the last one she would have for several weeks. Tomorrow she was leaving for a mission to the Land of Waves. A number people in a small village there had died from an unknown illness and many more were becoming sick. The local practitioner asked for assistance from a Konoha medical team to help diagnose and treat the illness before there were any more fatalities. The mission itself should have been C-ranked but instead was A-ranked due to an ongoing civil war, making it somewhat dangerous to go there.

Half way into preparing the meal Rin was startled by a noise in her living room near the front door. Someone was inside her house.

It was nearly night time now, and the dull fluorescent light from her kitchen barely reached into the area of the living room past her couch, making it impossible for her to see what was inside. Instinctively she drew a kunai out from the holster on her thigh and crouched into a defensive stance by the door of the kitchenette that led into the living room. She turned toward the entrance, and then with as much kunoichi stealth as she could gather she positioned herself to see into the living room. Barely a foot from her door stood the silhouette of a person. She quickly deduced it was a man from his stature, and that he was alone as she couldn't sense any other foreign chakra in her apartment. Rin stopped in her tracks as the mysterious figure staggered towards her.

"Rin.." the stranger rasped. Rin tightened her grip on the handle of her kunai. She had no idea who this man was, his chakra signature was completely hidden and his voice gurgled from what she assumed as blood pooling in his mouth. Sensing her hesitance, he slowly he stepped out of the shadows letting the light illuminate his figure before taking off his raven shaped ANBU mask.

"Rin.."

Rin gasped and ran across her living room to the man.

"Kakashi!"

Seeing Kakashi in such serious condition instantly triggered the medic inside of her. Blood from his wounds dripped onto her floor and his ANBU uniform was tattered and dirty. His body was covered in cuts and lacerations, the most serious being a large gash running diagonally from his left shoulder down to the bottom of his back. Without question, Rin immediately set to the daunting working of healing his wounds. She thanked the heavens it had been a slow day at the hospital, because she was going to need every last bit of chakra she could muster.

Rin stared at Kakashi in shock. She hadn't been expecting him to arrive for nearly an hour, he was always late, and she least of all expected him to arrive like this. She watched as Kakashi clumsily pulled off his grey (but now mostly red) armor and under shirt letting them and his katana drop to the floor. Not wasting any time, she grabbed him by the forearms and turned him around to examine his backside. It was just as she expected, the gash running down his shoulder was large, deep, and appeared to be bleeding endlessly. Sticky blood coated her hands and clothes as she tried to examine his wound. It was hard to discern how large the wound actually was from all the blood. But after taking one look at Kakashi, who was pale and could barely stay conscious, she knew she had to act fast or he would bleed out.

During the entire process neither said a word. There wasn't much to say, Kakashi had obviously been injured while doing some sort of mission, most likely S-ranked. She wished that, for once, he could tell her what happened when she was done healing him. She respected Kakashi for being so professional about their jobs, but she still couldn't help from letting her emotions get the best of her. She was angry at him for being so secretive about _everything_. And she was scared that one day he would leave for a mission and never return back to her. Kakashi was one of her closest and only friends; the thought of losing him like they had lost Obito was too much to even think about.

It was at times like this that certain selfish feelings arose inside of Rin. She kept those feelings inside at all times, trying her hardest never to let them out. She wanted to scream and cry and plead with Kakashi to quit ANBU, to tell him she was tired of watching him put his life on the line for the organization. She didn't want that for him. She didn't want him to live a life of secrecy, murder, and fear. She wanted him to live a life with _her_.

But Rin knew that all those things she wanted for him, for them, were only childish day dreams; so she kept her feelings in check, like she always did, and continued to diligently heal his shoulder wound. She put all of her pent up emotions into healing him, focusing as the glowing, green chakra emitted from her palms began to knit the intricate muscles in his shoulder back together. She watched as layer after layer of his muscle was sowed back and covered up by skin until the only thing left of the wound was a diminutive, white scar. She gently turned him around and plastered on a reassuring smile. But her smile only belied her horrified reaction at seeing the condition he was in.

Thinking quickly she half carried half drug the already unconscious Kakashi to the couch. Laying him down she pulled off his blood soaked mask and the rest of his ANBU gear before rolling up his pant legs to heal the less severe wounds that were scattered on his arms and legs. Most were superficial and Rin finished after a short time. When she was done Rin lay back against the couch sitting Indian style on the floor. Healing Kakashi had used most of her chakra and she was utterly exhausted. She sighed casting a weary glance at Kakashi before she pushed herself up off the floor and headed towards the kitchen. If things had gone according to plan, she and Kakashi would have, by now, been sitting at her small table in the corner of her living room eating miso soup and catching up with each other.

Rin walked into the kitchen. With the soup completely forgotten, she reached up into her cabinet and pulled out an unopened bottle of tequila as well as a small shot glass. Rin frowned at the bottle disapprovingly. It had been given to her as a joke by an older woman at the hospital. Rin never knew why she decided to keep the bottle; she was under age and wasn't even legally allowed to have it in her house, let alone consume it. She looked back at Kakashi who was lying half-dead on her couch.

_Kakashi.. what are you doing to me? _

Pushing all hesitation out of her mind Rin poured herself a shot, looking at the reddish-pink liquid before downing it all at once. She then poured another, then another, and soon lost count of how many shots she had poured herself.

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><p>Kakashi awoke from a fitful sleep; intense pain spasmed across his back as he shifted slightly. He tried to sit up, but was immediately forced to lie back down. He rested his head down on a small throw pillow, looking around the room for a clock which he spotted hanging on the wall across from him.<p>

_12:30_

Ignoring the pain with an agonizing grown, Kakashi sat up again, swinging his feet off the edge of the couch. Numbly feeling his feet touch the floor, he steadied himself and stood up. He shuffled away from the couch and headed toward the hallway. Kakashi couldn't help but to wonder where Rin was. Maybe she was in her room sleeping? He doubted she was in the kitchen reheating the meal they were supposed to cheerfully share together earlier in the evening.

He decided to go with his first assumption and went down the hallway in the direction of Rin's bedroom. Kakashi reached her room silently and cracked open the door. Rin was lying haphazardly on her bed sleeping. Not wanting to disturb her, he turned to leave the room.

"Don't go, Kakashi." Apparently she had been awake after all.

Kakashi stopped at the door frame. He paused for a moment, but decided to continue on, pretending as if he hadn't heard her.

"Kakashi.." she repeated.

He glanced at her and mumbled something incoherent. He turn toward the door, but froze as she got up from the bed and stopped him from leaving.

"Please, Kakashi, don't leave me." She grabbed his wrist and turned him around to face her, the slight touch of her fingertips against his skin sent shivers down his spine.

"Tonight was so chaotic.. I don't want to be alone, I _can't _be alone right now. Don't leave me. I.. I felt so helpless. I felt like you were going to die, and all I could do was watch."

"Like with Obito." He muttered under his breath. He knew what she meant. Obito's death had taken a hard toll on Rin. For months afterwards she doubted her skill as a medic because she wasn't able to save him. "But you don't need to doubt yourself, you saved me, didn't you?"

Rin burst into tears and grabbed ahold of him tightly, letting out a small sob. The sudden contact made him stiffen, but slowly he wrapped his free arm around her, holding her quivering form.

"I-I know.. but I.. but _you_!" She choked out. "Kakashi, it's not the same thing as with Obito. You're different.."

Her words confused him. Different, how was he different from Obito? His thoughts halted to a stop as she took him by the hand guiding them to the bed. Pulling him down with her, they sat facing each other on the bed. Kakashi tried to distance himself from her, their close proximity was making him somewhat uncomfortable. He couldn't help but to note her abnormal behavior as she reached up, pushing a piece of his unkempt hair away from his face.

What was with her? Just a moment ago she was crying, now she had changed entirely. And why was she touching him? The Rin he knew was never this forward with him; she became flustered at even the slightest brush of his arm against hers.

"Kakashi, do you like me?" Rin suddenly inquired, rubbing a piece of his hair between her fingertips.

The question had caught him off guard. "D-do I like you? You're my closest friend, Rin. Of course I do.."

Since they were genin Kakashi had found her attractive. As their team grew together he became drawn to her as a person as well. She was caring, intelligent, and, in Kakashi's opinion, a very talented medic.

She let her fingers untangle from his hair, trailing them to the back of his head and then stopping at the knot of his forehead protector. She untied the knot and let the material drop on the bed beside them. "Yes, but do you _like_ me? Do you feel anything for me other than friendship?"

"I-" Rin raised her head and boldly pressed her lips against his. Her lips were soft and she tasted sweet, almost like strawberries, as her tongue swept lightly over his lower lip searching for an entrance to deepen their kiss. She broke apart from him slightly and placed her hand against his cheek, gently rubbing it with her thumb before pushing her tongue through Kakashi's parted lips, drawing him into a forceful kiss. Rin snaked both her arms around Kakashi's neck, feeling no shame as she pressed her body flush against his. Her kisses were steadily becoming wet and hungry as she explored the inside of his mouth. Her tounge glided over his in a frenzied dance as their kisses became more passionate. Kakashi broke their kiss, falling backwards onto the bed in surprise.

_Is she _seducing _me?_

It was working.

Taking advantage of Kakashi's confused state, Rin dropped herself into his lap, positioning her most private area directly over his groin. He felt the shift in her hips as she gently pushed herself against him, causing him to take a sharp intake in breath. She let her hand slip from his face, running it along his chest as she continued to advance on him. Kakashi's eyes widened and he let out a small gasp as she ran her hand down between their bodies, lightly caressing his growing arousal. Rin gave a quiet moan of satisfaction as she fondled him again, then began her previous ministrations of kissing his pulse point. Her hot breath against his neck only made it harder for him to reject her.

"Rin! What are you doing?" He pushed her off of him, wiping the saliva off his neck from the spot she had been previously leaving open mouth kisses on.

"What? Don't you want this? _I_ want this.." Her breath was broken and heavy. She drew closer to him, sliding her hand up his leg.

Kakashi couldn't deny that he wanted her- the bulge in his black uniform pants was a testament to the fact. It felt so good, _too _good to be here with her, letting her touch him. Just the thought of bedding her made his body burn with desire. He couldn't help but to shamefully remember all of the times she had been the subject of his erotic thoughts as he had lain alone in his bed reading Icha Icha novels.

_Oh God, Rin. Those damn novels.._

But he knew that this wasn't a novel. If he _actually _had sex with her, it would be entirely different. There would be consequences, and he couldn't simply close the book if he didn't like the ending.

"I-I.. No. I don't want this." He willed himself to lie to her.

"Kakashi, please.. I can see that you want this." She eyed his now noticeable erection and let out a feminine moan, tugging at his pants.

Kakashi was speechless and unsure of what to do. He tried to brush her off, but she was being extremely persistent. The rational side of him told Kakashi to stop before things got out of hand. It couldn't be like this; if he continued on, things could get messy and complicated. But another side, a hormonal, lust filled side, reminded Kakashi that he was still a man, and that all men have needs – needs his former teammate seemed to be more than willing to satisfy.

As Rin's hands slipped up to the zipper of his pants, he wasn't sure how much more he could take. Kakashi turned his face to look at her, hoping that in the dim of her bedroom she wouldn't see that blush that was dusting his cheeks and slowly making its way down his neck.

"Rin, you're not acting like yourself. Are you okay?" He tried to protest. It was true. This bold, dominate Rin was a far cry from the usually quiet and submissive friend he was so used to. "Have you hit your head or something?"

"I'm fine, really. It's just.. you should know..." she drew in a shaky breath, "you should know how I feel about you." She stopped fiddling with his pant zipper and looked away from him at the floor.

"How you feel about me?"

Rin continued to stare at the floor, avoiding eye contact with him. Without saying a word she brought her hand up from his groin and put it on his chest, letting out a small sigh that resembled defeat.

"…Isn't it obvious that I love you?"

Any pattern of thought process Kakashi might have previous possessed vanished as the words left her mouth._ Isn't it obvious that I love you. _Kakashi repeated her words over and over in his head. Had he heard her correctly? Over the years, he had become thoroughly convinced she wasn't interested in him. She never implied she had any sort of romantic attraction to him and he had always assumed it was because of Obito. When he was alive it was obvious he was infatuated with Rin, Kakashi had always figured she had returned his sentiments.

_Isn't it obvious?_

_I love you. I love you. I love _you.

He stared at her dumbly, unsure what to say next.

"Do you mean that? Do you really love.. me?"

Rin replied with a tentative nod before fisting the material of his shirt, bringing their two forms closer. The sweet smell of strawberries on her breath drew Kakashi in as she straddled him once again, threading her finger tips into his hair. Taking the lead, Kakashi placed his hands on her hips and moved her backwards onto the bed. The only source of lighting in the room was the moonlight that streamed through her bedroom window, casting its pale rays down on the two of them. With his position on top, Kakashi couldn't help but to observe the beauty of his former teammate. He trailed his lips along the edge of her jaw and whispered her name. He had wanted Rin since he was fifteen, and now, three years later, he was finally able to have her. He had spent _so_ many nights imagining this exact situation. _So _many times he had played it out in his head. And now it was actually happening.

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><p>When Kakashi awoke it was still dark out. Not wanting to get up he lay stationary in the bed, tangled up in Rin's sheets with her arms still wrapped around his body. He turned over and faced away from her.<p>

"Rin.."

The pillow he was lying on smelled like her.. and a little like sex. He inhaled deeply again, and let his thoughts shift back to Rin. His former teammate had turned into his lover. Kakashi had never had a lover before, though he had experienced previous sexual encounters before Rin. Despite popular civilian belief, seduction missions were not only given to kunoichi. Kakashi had been on three before. Each one had resulted in sex, but he had never considered those woman lovers. He had only done it for the success of his mission.

_A lover. _Kakashi couldn't help but to smile at the thought. Rin was his lover. His.

He began to turn back over but paused as a glint of something shiny and pink on Rin's nightstand caught his eye. It was a bottle, filled with liquid that looked ruby red in the moon light. Kakashi untangled himself and reached over to it. The bottle's label said that it was strawberry flavored tequila.

_Why would Rin have this?_

Strawberries. Why did that bother him so much? He opened the bottle a little and took a whiff of the liquid inside.

_This smell.._

He sat the bottle back down on the nightstand, pulling his hand away from it as if the bottle contained lethal poison.

Rin's strange demeanor.

_No.._

The strawberries on her breath.

_This can't be.._

He racked his brain for memories. Any sort of memory to disprove what he was currently thinking. Kakashi turned back around and found Rin was already awake, and watching him. She gave him a shy smile, but he didn't smile back.

"What's wrong?" her smile faded into concern. She reached up to touch his face, but he swatted her hand away.

His breath was shaky as he picked the bottle back up from the nightstand. "What.. what is this?"

Rin's face paled. "Kakashi, I can explain! I-"

"I knew it.. I knew, I _knew_ something wasn't right with you!" Kakashi placed his hands on both temples, trying to even out his breathing.

"Kakashi, no. Please.."

"You're joking!" he let out a small laugh, "Rin, please, _please _tell me you're joking.." He searched her expression, looking for anything that would let him know this was all just a sick joke. That Rin hadn't been drunk when he had sex with her, that she had never been drunk at any point during the night. But he found nothing.

"Everything that happened.. Everything we did together.. It was all real. _All _of it, I swear."

This wasn't a joke.

_So it's true. _It only took a moment for it to sink it. She had been drunk after all. She took advantage of him, playing on his emotions when she knew how he felt about her. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe he had taken advantage of her? It didn't really matter now.

"Real? Real! What the _fuck _do you know about _anything _real, Rin? You're inebriated!"

Kakashi felt pain well up in his chest as he watched tears pool in Rin's eyes, he was hurting her. But he couldn't help it - she had already hurt him. Kakashi fisted the sheets before pushing them off his body, not even attempting to cover himself. He got off the bed, picking up his discarded pants and forehead protector and made his way for the door. It suddenly seemed as if he had tunnel vision, out of the room, down the hall way, into the living room. He never noticed Rin's cries from her bedroom or the fact that he was running around her apartment naked. Kakashi picked up the rest of his clothes and gear from the living room floor and hastily put them on, not caring if he put his shirt on backwards or didn't zip up his pants.

"Kakashi, don't do this!" Rin ran into the living room only a few seconds after him, still wrapped in the sheet from before. "You can't think that because of this _one _thing –"

"I don't know what I think anymore." He dismissed her tersely and turned to leave her apartment.

"Don't do this! Just.. just don't!" she was screaming at him now. "Look at me, god damn it! _Look!_"

But Kakashi didn't look. He turned the knob and opened the door, leaving her alone inside.

"Kakashi –"

Kakashi closed the door, cutting Rin off in mid-sentence.

_Maybe tomorrow. _

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><p>Kakashi sighed and stood up from beside the Stone. His legs had gone to sleep a long while ago, but he couldn't will himself to leave the place. Every day the silver haired jounin came to this spot, sometimes even twice a day. He came to reminisce and to think, among other things. Until he grew old and died or until his own named appeared on the Stone, he would come each and every day, silently standing beside the Memorial. He continued to stare down at the slab of rock; his gaze so intense that it could have been passed off as a glare if one had not known him well enough. He eyed the list of names but stopped when he found the one he had been looking for. Kneeling back down he traced the letters with his fingers, as if by feeling the engraved name he could feel the person to whom it had once belonged to. He drew back some, staring at it.<p>

… Rin

_Eight years_.

Rin was like a fading memory, a thing of the past. Sometimes Kakashi had to wonder whether it ever really happened at all. A large, selfish part of him wished that it hadn't. He wanted to erase the experiences from his past to avoid all the pain they caused him in the present. But another, even larger, part of him knew that what had happened between Rin and himself was real. The friendship and companionship as teammates that they had shared together was strong and genuine.

_I'm so sorry.._

The sun illuminated the landscape near Training Ground Seven sending down rays of light that hit the Memorial Stone making the kunai shaped rock appear to sparkle. A gentle breeze blew across his face and, at that moment, it was the only thing that seemed real to him.

"Kakashi!" a voice brought him back to reality.

"What are you doing over there? Let's head over to the training grounds to practice! I'm gonna kick Sasuke's ass today, you'll see!" It was only Naruto. Trailing at a distance behind him was Sakura and Sasuke as well. It seemed that they had given up waiting for him at the bridge and had sought him out themselves.

"What's wrong?" Sakura questioned him as they neared.

"Hm? Oh, it's nothing.. I'm fine."

Sasuke and Naruto's voices became fainter as they headed off farther toward the training grounds. Sakura and Kakashi followed a ways behind, watching them from afar until they became unrecognizable in the distance. Soon Kakashi and Sakura also became unrecognizable figures as they headed away from the Memorial.

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><p><strong>AN: I hope the time skips weren't too confusing. I really like the Kakashi/Rin pairing so I thought I'd try (emphasis on try) to write one myself. My writing is rather poor, so constructive criticism would **_**definitely**_** be appreciated. **


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